turbulence at high.
shaking my world unconscious.
falling into an abyss of forever.
easy as headaches.

the world whirls around me.
i'm just dust in the wind.
dancing to the music of Paradise Hall.
they don't know about me.

sick of new photographs.
nostalgic for the old.
everything about everyone else, makes me fall to pieces.
i'm alive, but i'm not living.

my mouth is tired of lying to save my life.
sell myself out, and get away from the limelight.
my favorite song sings from the earphones.
when was the last time i've heard it?

love me, hate me.
doesn't really matter.
without all of your talking, i'd be infamous still.
now, silence is golden.

we're not fairytales.
just monsters, living in reality.
sugar crystals are just sweet.
not all that glitters in gold here.

but still, i've survived.
with much prayer, and a silent song under my breath.
words never meant so much.

- XOXO

winding, winding.
let go, and watch it spin.
quickly, quickly, run for your life.
too short of breath, and stop.

these fireflies had burn out in my hands.
i set them free, a reminder that i'm not dead.
trapped in the present, or an uncertain past.
moving forward, but falling back in line.

at first, i thought i could walk away.
with no regrets, no reason to feel sad.
but as i do, i glance back.
these faces and memories don't leave me the way i want them to.

omnipresent, right.
through years of adolescence.
i grew up, in this hellhole of a place.
and it has molded me, into the person i am now.

i don't know which side of me speaks louder.
walk away like everyone else, or take glory for what it is.
only knowing that, both ways are not what appease me.
no, no conformity.

sick of sleeplessness in my eyes.
nervous breakdowns, that are calm on the outside.
my writer's blocks are crushing me under.
and i don't remember when the last time my mind was free to wander.

words, i want my words back where they belong.
stemming from hearts, and not books that follow laws.
get these phrases out of my head.
this understanding of the world of nothingness into the drain.

can't reconcile this for what it is.
the ending, or a whole new beginning.
paralyzing me, or petrifying me.
everyone's driving me crazy.

enough i say, enough enough.
enough of this comparision between me and her.
who is she? i don't know.
she's someone, that i would never want to know.

her grades are lined with single As.
and the digit that appears is an appealing 1.
why, why me?
i'm just nothing, but me.

they all complain, they all complain.
but do they know anything at all?
the pressure's on, and the world's on fire.
oh my, oh my, the consequences are dire.

i fight, with all my might.
release me, from the prison, i command.
but nobody hears my mute little voice.
all they hear is the applause.

sometimes, i think that i live to write.
to pen my thoughts down.
for the past few weeks, i've been practicing abstinence to my paper.
and i thought, that i would almost go mad.

thoughts crammed inside my head.
dying for a chance to be expressed.
let me live, or kill me.
and they keep on singing in my head.

i'm tired of nothing.
and that is what amuses me the most.
exhaustion from sleeping, too worn out to move on.
has someone kidnapped my heart and left it to rot?

long walks calm me down.
they hurt my feet slightly, and make me woozy.
but i'm still glad, that someone is willing to take them with me.
although i dislike the sound of the traffic.

jelly drinks and flabby ice cream.
i need to feel young again.
my brain's getting too old, too old for my head.
and it just don't feel right this way.

i assure you that there's nobody who can stand my nonsense.
not unless you love tornado potatoes and octopus takoyaki.
one who loves to read, but suppresses his feelings.
and most of all, eats every meal beside me.

although i miss the time when we could share blankets.
i know that i must be patient, and that it will come again.
this is the rainy season, and though i don't have an umbrella.
your love will light my way home.

i'm in love with the place that brought me up.

- XOXO

hello you.
goodbye you.

it feels like forever, since i've been liberated.
all these familiar faces, suddenly become a burden to the soul.
maybe, it's a little strange and abrupt.
like waking up when the best part is yet to come.

never good at goodbyes.
probably never will.

i'm not really happy.
neither am i depressed.
just a little lighter, like i can finally breathe.
another step towards the future.

this all will seem like a little splat.
of paint residue, in the end.

i'm finally free of this prison.

- XOXO

my heart's a barren land.
and my soul's doing no better sometimes.
only born to climb the heights.
never good for anything else.

place me on a pedestal, yeah.
but don't blame me for not appreciating it.
i was born for the rags.
and besides, invisibility > fame and glory.

going up or going down?
you'll never know till you reach the ground.
sometimes, i don't even think i want to know anymore.
we all need some insanity to realize we're sane enough to keep fighting.

i know i haven't exactly been the best person i can be.
and what i'm trying to say here isn't for you not to blame me.
but i decided that it would be better for me to clear the air.
so at least, my conscience will sleep tonight.

emptiness has been eating my insides.
leaving me hollow and bitter, like lemon grind.
i've been mentally tortured by myself.
yes, and i don't need anyone else to do it anymore.

for the past week, i've been on the brink of insanity.
as insane as i usually seem, this insanity's a new sort of thing.
the kind which makes you think you're sane, when you're actually not.
it gets into your bloodstream, and makes your heart lost.

and i got lost.
in the midst of all the books and the nagging.
between the late night talks and the phone calls.
but now, i've been found.

that's all thanks to a cyborg boy whom lives on Mars.
he reminds me how like Van Gogh's paintings, that we are not of this world.
so, we should not be too concerned with what the world thinks.

running on wet rush, getting grass onto our feet.
badminton under the sun, in the middle of a field.
sparkling juice to end the session.
and a walk home.

i've read many stories.
not enough to boast about.
but sufficient to know roughly what occurs in the world.
and till this date, i think our story's the best.

we only have each other to hold onto.
but that's enough for us.
we may not have a lot of money or time together.
but that's more than enough for us.

i love how we know the sound of each other's breathing.
how i can hear him coming from afar with the sound of his coughing.
and how he knows all the chambers of my heart.
everything pales in comparison.

and through it all, he keeps me safe.
he keeps me warm.

- XOXO

wish away on a penny, balloon.
down it goes, into the well.
or up it'll fly, way up into the air.
don't we all need to feel like children sometimes?

candy, cookies, chocolates.
they clog arteries, and maybe incur upset tummies.
but fret not, don't care.
a little of unhealthiness is good for the soul.

days go by, and i'm counting the seconds.
lost in a maze, and i'm the only who got myself in it.
they say life's a game.
then again, those who win are those who never play by the rules.

eyes, watching from the bedsheets.
a soft silence, a wanderer's adventure.
through the jungle, over the seas.
i'll build a boat, and find new territory.

my drawings do not require sketching.
pencil to the paper, leaving marks, papers after.
gripping with it, like it means my life.
i wish i was an artist.

time is running out for me.
we're all dated to be old, all soon before we know.
packaged away, with an expiry date.
dumped into the incinerator.

of the world, in the world.
can't escape it.
either die, or die trying.
but, i'll keep trying.

tonight, we may be tired.
we may not want to run.
but if we don't run, we'll never make it out.

tonight, we'll be pirates.
we'll be kings, of an underground cult society.
and then, there'll only be you and me.

i'm sorry for always being on my toes.
always tripping but never falling.
but i will hold onto you, as tightly as you hold me.

so, don't let go.
don't give up on me.

- XOXO